So unless you live under a rock, you’ll know the wise and wonderful J.K Rowling has granted us HP nerds the gift of a play AND a new ‘book’ and the tickets for this stage performance have been selling faster than the Weasley’s Puking Pastilles in the Gryffindor common room.
I missed out on the first batch but I decided this time, THIS TIME, I would nab some for me and my sister. Here’s my thought process throughout the day…
1. Okay, here we go.
2. I’m limbered up.
3. Poised.
4. I’ve never waited in an online ticket queue before
5. But I’m British so this sort of thing should come naturally.
6. Plus, I don’t have to stand outside or anything.
7. Aaaaand I’m 143567th in the queue.
8. That’s not too bad. Right?
9. Wait, I didn’t properly count the amount of numbers in that…143 thousand…567.
10.But there’s only 250,000 tickets available?
11. It’s cool. It should move at a reasonable speed.
12. Wow, the numbers are not moving.
13. Should I refresh?
14. No. DO NOT refresh.
15. Okay, I’ll minimise the tab now and come back in five minutes.
16. *30 seconds later*
17. WHY ARE THE NUMBERS THE SAME?
18. Do you think ‘ACCIO TICKETS’ will work?
19. I bet Rowling’s laughing at us all.
20. As she rolls around in a big pile of £50 notes.
21. Can’t blame her.
22. Maybe a snack will help ease this pain.
23. I have no snacks.
24. Why am I dieting at a time like this?
25. If I was a witch I could just zap all the chub away.
26. Is there a spell for that?
27. Avada Chubabra!
28. Never mind Unforgivable Curses, this bloody waiting is unforgivable.
29. Time to check in again.
30. 143,067. So some people have nabbed tickets.
31. Enjoy, you bunch of Dursleys.
32. Why is this queue so slow?
33. Maybe I’ll listen to some HP soundtrack to get me pumped up.
34. Oh. Hedwig’s theme tune.
35. It still hurts.
36. Why did she have to kill off the owl?
37. Hedwig did nothing but look good and act sassy.
38. Okay, it’s been well over an hour now I must be close.
39. 128,962.
40. This is like a class with Professor Binns.
41. Not that I know what’s that like BECAUSE I DIDN’T GET A HOGWARTS LETTER.
42. I don’t care if it’s fictional.
43. Aaaand…close the tab.
44. Okay, it’s been another two and half hours now.
45. We must be getting somewhere.
46. 98,874
47. But we’re under 100,000.
48. This is progress. This is good.
49. I don’t want to flip my desk at all.
50. Hahahahahahha.
51. I’m a little delirious.
52. Which is to be expected.
53. I like to imagine this is how Harry felt in Order of the Phoenix.
54. Angsty.
55. Whoever decided on this limited amount of performances is a bloody Murtlap.
56. Yeah, that’s right. A Murtlap.
57. I don’t mean that. I’m sure they’re very nice.
58. But I am a Slytherin. So ya know …
59. If I could be any magical creature, I think I’d be a Niffler.
60. Cute, furry, likes shiny things.
61. Okay, 74,568
62. One of the sites has completely sold out.
63. Oh? I’m going to have to wait over an hour now?
64. It’s cool. I’ve only waited 6 already.
65. Hold on. I have to leave this computer now.
66. But I’ve been here since 11.30.
67. Could I just sit in the office? In the dark. Waiting.
68. They’ll come in in the morning and find me still here.
69. Staring at the screen. Dribbling. Muttering to myself.
70. Like that old lady from Titanic.
71. Or curled up under my desk like baby Voldemort.
72. Wow this is stressful.
73. ‘I DID MY TIME! 12 HOURS OF IT IN AZKABAN!’
74. Nope. I’m done.
75. Yeah, go on, watch me lose my place.
76. I didn’t get any tickets.
77. Maybe they’ll release more soon?
78. I mean, they must be making so much money.
79. Or maybe I could wait for it to go on tour?
80. If it ever does.
81. Shit.
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