There must be tons of reviews, floating around in the chattering abyss that is the Internet, for the revamped Mad Max movie but I thought I’d contribute with my own anyway. There will be spoilers. You have been warned.

I went into the screening with a bag of popcorn three times the size of my head – and an even larger drink to wash it down – and settled in the surprisingly comfy seats at the Showcase Cinema but I left feeling a little disappointed. That sort of disappointment that your Mum probably felt when you didn’t clean your room or let her know you were going to be three hours late home. The worst.

I had told myself I would definitely enjoy it. It’s my sort of film: violent, chaotic and with plenty of attractive people (Charlize Theron, Rosie Huntington-Whiteley and Tom Hardy are all pleasant on the old eyeballs) but I was just expecting more.

Oh. And there was no Tina Tuner cameo. They seriously missed a trick there.

Plot: basic action movie, bad guys chasing good guys and lots of fighting as a result, bad guy dies, good guy get his massive city and water supply. There isn’t really much more to say about it than that.

You don’t need to have seen the previous films before watching Mad Max Fury Road, if you were a first time viewer of the franchise you would understand that Max is hey, a little mad. That his daughter and wife died and he didn’t save them. That the world has gone to shit and fuel is a big deal. There’s a guy with half a face called Immortan Joe, who keeps women as his brides to have his babies and enslaves everyone in the Citadel. Oh and also everyone probably smells incredibly bad. Like, funky fresh.

I think, Mad Max Fury Road was basically that scene from Fast and Furious 6, you know the one with the stupendously long runway, but with a lot more crazy, a guy called Rictus Erectus (snigger), Elvis Presley’s granddaughter and a preggers Rosie Huntington-Whiteley.

So far all I’ve done is poke at the film. But if I’m honest, it did everything it needed to, if you were hoping for a basic action movie. But if you were hoping for more plot (more Furiosa context maybe – how did she climb up the ranks to drive the war rig? Why is her head shaved? Is it really that easy to apply engine oil to your forehead as make up? All the important questions) then there really isn’t any.

One thing I did love about the film however was how absolutely badass the female characters were, even the brides who I expected to be simpering, cowering and irritatingly attractive women in the backseat. I was also impressed that Theron’s character Imperator Furiosa had a leading role in this heavily male dominated dystopia. She’s the boss bitch who drives a giant armoured truck to go pick up gasoline and also the one who got a punctured lung, was drowning in her own blood and then after a quick poke with a knife to relieve it, was up and walking around again. Like you do.

The strange romance between Capable (Riley Keough aka Elvis’s granddaughter) and Nux (Nicholas Holt aka Marcus from About a Boy) was kind of predictable and I think I did roll my eyes in the dark while shovelling popcorn in my face. It wasn’t really necessary but I guess you’ve got to throw some love interest in there.

Finally, and something which I think confused me the most – but also made me laugh numerous times – was Tom Hardy’s voice. I just kept hearing Bane every time he spoke. And then that made me think of Bane Cat. Hurhurhur. Sorry.

I didn’t hate the movie but I didn’t like it as much as I wanted to – and that’s where the problem lies. I needed to go in with an open mind, not with it set on absolutely loving the what I was about to watch. I definitely enjoyed the action, the female representation and the fight scenes on top of moving, souped up cars but it’s not one I’ll be rushing to buy on DVD.

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