A little context: I started playing Fallout3 a year or so ago but I got distracted once Dragon Age Inquisition came out. Sorry not sorry. This post is best enjoyed by those who have played the game before and remember it reasonably well.

So I’m going to attempt to play it again and detail my gameplay on here. Feel free to follow me. Here are my thoughts throughout the opening level:

Okay, so straight away this feels like Bioshock. Creepy 1940s music, desolate environment, ‘helpful’ cartoon signs.

Cut scene pans out of a bus, that wouldn’t look out of place in Peterborough town centre, to a nuclear wasteland and a… storm trooper?

These are not the droids you’re looking for.

‘The apocalypse was simply the prologue to another chapter of human history – war never changes.’ Wow, this narration is is deep. But I like this guy’s voice.

Wait, it’s Liam Neeson isn’t it?

So people ended up in vaults hidden away from the world- that’s pretty Rapture like.

Vault 101 is obviously getting opened up again.

I am the Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt!

IT’S A MIRACLE!

Ah wait Liam Neeson is actually talking to me.

And I’ve just been born.

Oh and I get to choose my sex, I’m a girl. Definitely.

‘James we did it’ No you did it Mum. You carried me for 9 months then pushed me out.

This is the weirdest opening to a game ever.

YAAS CHARACTER CUSTOMISATION

I look gooood

I just customised a 20 year old face but I’m still a baby.

Oh the mother’s died. Kind of guessed that would happen.

We’ve skipped forward in time

I’m now learning how to walk. I walk like a pro apparently. Thanks Liam.

The toddler voice is unnerving. Every time I press X I babble.

Another flash forward.

Nine years later… and it’s my birthday and oh boy I’ve got my very own Pip boy 3000.

What’s a Pip Boy 3000?

Also apparently for your 10th birthday in Vault 101 you receive: instructions on when your child labour begins.

This is the most depressing birthday party ever.

I’m just choosing the rudest response to every interaction.

I’m going to be an arsehole throughout this game.

Haha there are kids called Butch and Wally at the party.

Oh and great present Amata, your Dad’s old hand me down comic book. Some friend you are.

Let’s look at this Pip Boy. Bit more advanced than a Fit-Bit.

All the animations still just remind of Bioshock.

Wow there are a lot of skills to play with.

I like that you can see how many creatures you’ve killed and locations discovered etc.

The Overseer’s a bit of an arse.

Wow. Andy’s cake cutting skills need recalibrating.

Can I kill Wally?

No one cares about your party Wally.

Paul’s fine. He can have cake.

This party sucks, can I leave?

No, I can’t leave.

Butch is such a little bitch. Trying to take my birthday presents.

Why isn’t my Dad sorting this kid out.

I just spat on the sweet roll.

Want it now Butch?

Liam Neeson Dad is now giving me a present.

A BB gun, now we’re talking.

BRB off to kill things.

And that’s a big ass cockroach.

I think I’d vomit if I saw a cockroach that big.

Fast forward in time again. They like doing this, huh?

So I’m taking something called a G.O.A.T exam. Sounds baaaring.

I know that was a sheep impression. Don’t judge me.

My Liam Neeson Dad doesn’t age.

If I had to have someone narrate my life it would definitely be him.

Wait no, definitely David Attenborough.

Wow you can pick pretty much everything up in this game.

LOOT BAG SMASH

The Tunnel Snakes?

Sounds like a really bad 90s boy band.

Laden with innuendo.

In-your-endo 😉

‘Don’t mess with the Tunnel Snakes.’ jeez Wally has really bad hair now.

And Butch looks like Danny from Grease.

Wow the melee is really bad. I’m punching the air but blood is still flying everywhere as I try to defend Amata’s honour.

There’s a lot of blood on the walls after that little bust up.

Well, Mr Brotch is a hottie. Amirite?

Did he just offer to do my G.O.A.T test for me?

Weird.

Haha these questions are fun.

I definitely chose to cherry bomb the old man’s door open.

I went for lockpicking, speech and small guns

Oooh bright light. Flash forward.

Oh great Dad. Just escape the Vault and leave me behind. Rude.

But finally bit of action.

Definitely killed the first guy I saw.

FEMALES ARE STRONG AS HELL.

Lol Butch asking me to save his Mum. Irony or what.

I just said that to him.

I did save her though. I’m not that heartless.

So many Radroaches

Ugh this Overseer guy is such a douche.

Definitely seeking revenge for Jonas.

Easier to just kill him.

I always shoot first.

Interesting reads on the old Overseer’s computer and…secret desk door!

Chamber of secrets?

Surprisingly I don’t feel nauseous yet. I usually feel nauseous on FPS

Here we go and I’m out.

Just feel the grass the dirt, just how I dreamed they’d be.

Just feel that summer breeze, the way it’s calling me.

For the first time ever, I’m completely free

Wait, this isn’t Disney’s Rapunzel.

Time to stop there folks.

Follow the blog to read the next installment of stupid reaction thoughts, I’ll be posting them every week.

Jade

P.S – gifs are all from giphy.com